Anytime I catch up with someone I haven't seen for a long time, the first thing I talk about is my health. Yes, I am one of those people who complains a lot about shit that happens to me. Somehow I have friends and make it through the day.
To make an
extremely long story short I began to have frequent mild heartburn in May of 2012, which led to severe acid reflux later in October, which led to me almost losing my voice completely for months, leaving me really scared, confused, helpless, and unhappy.
The acid reflux was really painful (chest pains/intense pressure, liquid-y burn-y feels in my general everywhere), metallic tasting, saliva and post-nasal drip inducing, and just plain awful. Anytime I ate it was like poking at a volcano, and none of my usual remedies worked – not the extra fiber, water, or ginger tea that I had come to kind of rely on if ever I had a bit of heartburn. I began to feel sharp pain right in my vocal cord area, and one day my voice just left. I literally had, say, 5% of a voice for at least five or six months before I could even begin to speak without pain radiating from my larynx.
To say this was a shitty time in my life would be an understatement. I think it’s terrifying when your body, the one thing you think you’ve been familiar with for so long, just changes inexplicably. Almost like it betrays you. And the change is confusing, new, and the remedies are vague because
maybe there is nothing that can stop it. And it's even worse when you're unable to vocalize anything you're feeling or thinking.
PAUSE!
Maybe you’re wondering why I’m blogging about this? Is it so I can give people a link when they try to offer me a slice of pizza or ask me to speak a little louder?
The reason why I wanted to start this blog and post about this kind of stuff is that I feel a lot of GERD and acid reflux-related blogs are buried in the Google-verse by sites with standard medical information and the same home remedies. I wanted to read about real people who were also going through it, whether they were keeping a food journal, or just complaining about the pain and the fear.
So I decided to put my experience out here in hopes that this post can get to someone who is going through it too. I am fucking cheesy, ok, two posts into my blog and I have revealed myself as a sentimental arse, but hear me out. Another person’s story will be different, but I’d love it if someone read this and was like, “yeah, I have this too and I am confused and scared as fuck, but I’m not the only one.” Millions of people get acid reflux, so I am no special snowflake, but statistics are never comforting.
And once I establish this blog, a bit more, you will notice that
what I want to support more than anything is the idea that having acid reflux is different for everyone. It happens for different reasons, feels differently, and is helped by different remedies for everyone. Alas, I do not have any universal answers -
the only thing I am certain of is that you should experiment once you're comfortable doing so and see what works for you. Which is something I definitely plan to address in future posts.
Un…pause?
Anyways, I immediately began a strict diet according to internet research, and tried everything only to continue having this crazy as hell reflux. I put those old Twilight books to good use and raised the head of my bed, and stopped eating after 9pm. I tried a plethora of proton pump inhibitors (Tecta, Prevacid, some other thing where the side effect was seizures if I didn’t eat enough magnesium – woohoo! That really helps with the anxiety!) and I just felt they didn’t work for me. I don’t recall there being a time where I was on medication and had no reflux. It would always come back –
sometimes less severe – but it was still there. I took medication well until June 2013. The thing is, after I took these proton-pump inhibitors, I really just felt like they didn’t work for me, like “too much acid” wasn’t my particular problem. There were even times when I felt worse after taking them.
I also started doing acupuncture for it. It's always a good idea to seek a more natural remedy sometimes, I think. It seemed to help at times, and I do go back occasionally for it.
As for my voice, I had to write on pieces of paper to communicate with people. Anytime I tried to speak, hardly any sound would come out, and my throat would be so sore. Fuck, right. I went to the
Pacific Voice Clinic, which I am so grateful that we have here in Vancouver. We took a look at my vocal cords, and they seemed to be fine, which was a relief to me. My voice was about 60% better then. Dr. Morrison, the ENT at the Voice Clinic, told me about how the voice and acid reflux are connected. Basically, when your esophagus senses the acid, it sends a signal to your brain to close the voice box in order to protect the respiratory system.
I’m guessing this, the emotional stress/anxiety over the whole situation, and the development of poor speaking habits contributed to my past and current vocal problems. It is a bit shit, though, to hear that the only way to get your voice back is to “manage your reflux” when you feel helpless and have no idea how to “manage” it. My voice did seem to begin to get better on its own, until June when it got shitty again. Yay, wow, isn’t that swell, hey. Thanks, body, thanks so much.
I even made a
sad song playlist about it. Sad.
So what about now?
It has been over a year since the day I completely lost my voice for the first time, and I am still working on it. The reflux doesn’t come everyday in full force anymore, which I am grateful for. I am doing
voice therapy sessions, which have helped me not only think about the voice and how to maneuver it, but also to help me confront my anxieties about my voice. This is something I’m still working on, and I feel will take a long time. But hey, it’s been a year already, why not carry on if it obviously wants to stick around and fight me. I don’t plan on being defeated anytime soon. Easier said than done, but I can keep trying for now.
I did a pH test this past summer, which I hear is one of the best things you can do to test your reflux. Basically, I had a tube thing shoved up my nose and down my throat that was attached to a monitor that looked like a 90s Walkman that I wore around my waist for 24 hours. I wish this upon no one. And of course, the results said I DON’T HAVE THAT MUCH ACID REFLUX. My esophageal sphincter is fine too. Oh my God. I was kind of like, “yay!” and kind of like, “well, fuck.”
I wasn’t kidding. With my Dad’s palm tree in the back, it looks like I’m holiday, actually. It did not feel like a holiday.
I am currently taking Ratio-Domperidone - no sadly not
this - which is a stomach mobilizer. Basically, we’re trying to see if I have Gastroparesis, which is when the food doesn’t move through the stomach quick enough. I looked it up (here we go
again, right?) and I have all the symptoms of it. We’ll see. Fuck. We’ll just have to see.
I have a food post in the works that’s basically going to be about my three food categories: “Yes”, “No” and the all-important “Sometimes”. Throughout this, I believe it’s important to experiment and not just rely on what you read once you get less scared and begin to kind of know your reflux. But that’s for another time.
Woo, that’s all for now. As I am writing this I feel hesitant about posting it. Is it too personal? Too weird for a second post? Too much information? But fuck it – I was going to write about it sooner or later.
If you want to rant about your shitty and helpless health problems, please do so in the comments.
Goodbye now.
